Rules to Live by in the South

Rules from the south.....





>> 1. Pull your droopy pants up, you look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked,or backwards.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a
> >> pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
> >> going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle; that's why they smell to you. They smell like
> >> money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-65
> >> goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $70,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000
> >> cotton
> >> strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly.
> >> Try
> >> to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
> >> WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up
> >> to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar?
> >> It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of football season. It's a
> >> religious holiday.
10 We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless
> >> of age.
11. We say 'sir and ma'am', 'please and thank you', 'excuse me and
> >> I'm
> >> sorry' when we are wrong or impolite. Do not make the mistake of
> >> thinking it makes us weak. It's just good up-bringing.
12. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or
> >> you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of turkey.
13. When we fill out a table, there are three mai n dishes: meats,
> >> vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and
> >> ketchup!
> >>
> >> Oh, yeah... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that
> >> stuff
> >> you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
14. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and
> >> served
> >> over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute,
> >> know how to shoot, drive a truck and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football are as important here as the
> >> Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards... it
> >> frightens the fish, and aggravates the alligators.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities ,
> >> Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education
> >> plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when
> >> they come for the holidays.
18. Don't think that since we talk slow, we think sl ow. You will be
> >> in for a surprise.
19. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines...
> >> So
> >> don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
20. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump stuff
> >> ain't
> >> music anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see
> >> your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true southerner will send this to at least 10 others