Benninghove
Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2008 3:42 AM
Subject: THE MAID WANTS A RAISE
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A maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Maria, times are tough.
I must make do on what my husband gives me. I'm not getting a raise.
Tell me three reasons why you deserve one.'
Maria says, 'Well Senora, The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'I see.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife: 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Senora, the gardener did.'
She got the raise.
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4 comments on A Raise for the MAID
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Algebretcetera Any mathematical equation that takes up more than a half of a page to complete.
ambidigidexterious (am-be-dij-e-decks-tear-e-us) adjective The ability to easily manipulate the right mouse button.
Contributed by Mark Hibbs
Amsomnia noun When you can't sleep but don't know it, or when you couldn't sleep but don't remember it.
[AM(NESIA) + (IN)SOMNIA]
Antinostrician noun Someone who, for one reason or another, hates their nose.
Aplasticate verb To smash or squish, as in "Aigh!! A mosquito! Let's APLASTICATE it!"
Awitic noun. Someone who always says "Awwwww!" whenever they see something cute.
Banjaxed verb To be unexpectedly prevented from achieving an objective. Donal Lynch notes, "In this part of the world (Ireland) 'banjaxed' is a well-known familiar word, meaning 'irretrievably broken', as in 'this computer is banjaxed.'"
Banshaling noun A bannana impersonating a telephone, usually used when someone is pretending a bananna is a telephone. As in, "That bannana is a banshaling."
Bittle adjective A little bit.
Contributed by Reiner Hohn <heisse_post@hotmail.com> .
Blegne The residue that collects at the corners of our mouths.
Blamestorming Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Contributed by Mark Smith
Contributed by Christopher Plyem
Contributed by Michael Counas
Blooblehead noun An immature, perverted, and/or annoying person.
Editor's Note: This was sent in by an anonymous contributer, and it turns out it's actually a real word! The contributor notes that he was told the word was used in the 1600's. There's more information about the word at http://www.word-detective.com.
Borrrgishness Being bored and annoyed at the same time, such as finding nothing on TV when you have 141 channels.
British Popcorn Cartel noun A mysterious and ancient organization involved in the popcorn trade. Whether they are actually British or not has not been determined. To quote Ed Roraback, "In those days the seas were boiling hot due to the friction created by the British Popcorn Cartel". Currently, the Carmel Popcorn faction holds the seat of power within the cartel.
Catsbreadth noun A unit of measurement meaning the width of a cat. "Leave the door open one catsbreadth so the cat can get out while I sleep."
Carperpetuation verb The process of vacuuming over a piece of lint a dozen times, picking it up, examining it, and putting it back down for a second chance.
Contributed by Tim
Cerebroredundogram noun A word, phrase, or song which keeps running around in your head. Contributed by Chuck Chriss.
Chronosecistness Not being able to find a proper stopwatch for a race and having to use an ordinary watch with just a second hand.
Cinitesiplosmanium noun Element # 416. Will solve all global warming problems and when taken in pill form, will cause everyone to live in piece and harmony. To be discovered in the year 3671.
Codswallop noun Nonsense, as in "Anna, your head is full of codswallop".
Editor's Note: Like "gobbledegook", this is actually a real word; the American Heritage dictionary defines it as, "nonsense; rubbish". No offense to people who are named Anna :o)
Cube Farm noun An office filled with cubicles. See also Prairie Dogging.
[DECI(BEL) + FUME]
Democollated All blown up, completely broken, irreparable, as in "The breaker was completely democolated."
Diviparenthesism Forgetting to put on an end bracket ")" when you have started a substatement with a "(". (Hey, we've all done it before.
Doesn'tmatter n. A hypothetical form of matter similar to normal matter, except that it's atoms do not exist. The theory of doesn'tmatter was first proposed by A. E. Roraback to explain the preponderance of apatheticism that permeated the air about him. Mr. Roraback was once known to say, "You of course have heard of anti-matter??? We have taken it one step further. We are so insignificant in the scheme of things that we have what is known as doesn'tmatter. . . Instead of . . . destroying any matter we come in contact with, no one notices."
Dr. R. Tuklov II, an expert on non-existent particles, explains, "In ordinary matter, you have atoms, in which you have a nucleus with lots of electrons spinning wildly around it. In doesn'tmatter, the electrons just sort of sit around despondently."
Elecceleration The mistaken notion that by pressing an elevator call button many times will make the elevator arrive faster.
Enerdorm n. The part of the brain that controls the speed of your heartbeat during nightmares.
Esoceicy n. Obsession or preoccupation with the little things.
Eyerworks n. The little lights that you see, apparently on the inside of your eyelids, whenever you squeeze your eyes shut for a prolonged period of time.
Farfig-nugen adjective Acting silly, immature, and stupid.
Filth Diamond noun Don't even ask, lest the curse fall on you too!
Fillickflash (fil-ik-flash) noun The sudden realisation that you have dialed the fax number, not the voice number. It's now too late to do anything about it as the phone company has already charged you for the wasted call. Isn't the fax machine's whistling annoying?
Flabbergasterisk Grammatical symbol expressing extreme emotion, used when an exclamation mark is just not important enough. A Flabbergasterisk may take many designs eg massive bullet points, many pointed stars etc. Equally at home in the margins as on the end of a sentance.
Contributed by Dave Sanderson
Flashbox (fil-ik-flash) noun The little box-shaped light that remains visible for some time after looking directly into the flash bulb on a camera
flazeebo noun. A very rare animal that is a mix of a flamingo, zebra, and a hippo.
Contributed by Jeff Khourie
Contibuted by Phil
Flobbergobber noun 1. A person who talks unremitting senseless rubbish. 2. The rubbish spoken by such a person.
Contributed by Emily <emily_rose66@hotmail.com>.
frisbeeism The belief that when you die, your soul flies upward and gets stuck on the roof.
Frisbeterian noun Someone who religiously spends Sunday afternoons teaching his/her dog to catch Frisbees.
Contributed by Emily <emily_rose66@hotmail.com>.
Glichenlen nount 1. The black stuff left on the road after skidding your car tires. 2. The black stuff inside calculators that make numbers appear on the digital display.
Gobbledegook noun Became a popular saying after Professor Gobble D. Gook the inventor was thrown out of quantum physics school for being the only one in his class to understand how all that quantum physics stuff (see "Stuff") worked. Was ridiculed in his time, but we now know his theories to be true. -- Contributed by Adam and Shaun
Editor's Note: This is actually a real word; the American Heritage dictionary defines it as, "Unclear, wordy jargon. [Imitative of the gobbling of a turkey]". It's amazing words one finds in the dictionary.
Gobsmacked verb Shocked, most suprised, taken aback
Gombligernicampoikananity noun Religion based on the idea that someday a large wheel made entirely of cork will come down from the heavens and devour 1/10 of the world's population. Contributed by Robert McNamara <Costanza2000@yahoo.com> .
Gonna Going to.
Editor's Note: This is one of three words contributed by (and I quote) "two bored research students at a university somewhere in Liverpool." They note that "gonna" is "Bradfordian (That's in Yorkshire, England) in origin." I've heard "gonna" used a lot in the states as well (in fact, I use it myself all the time). I'd be interested to hear if anyone has any more detailed information about its origin.
Gription noun Better than traction, as in "Those tires have gription."
Gry Up To compose yourself after doing something so you can carry on as if that was what you'd intended to do all along. Contributed by Donal Lynch <xpun@hotmail.com>
Helifino Short for helifinocerous, a strange creature somewhat like a rhinocerous but never before seen by man. Often used as a generic reply to the question, "What is that?"
Contribyted by Mark Mills
Hootus noun The name of anything you cannot think of the name of. As in, "That hootus over there is broken."
Humnausea The incessant and actual chanting of a Cerebroredundogram.
hunjj To mess up, low life something; basically to do as someone who spreads destruction in their path by being on autopilot or low life mentality. Someone who is an expert at "hunjjing" something is called a hunjjmaster.
Editor's Note: The contributor of this word notes that it is in usage in much of the Northwest Montana area, especially by loggers.
He also notes: "It is a form of the words gunjj (sp?) & hosed up. I started using it while teaching classes in Oregon & Washington to many students who worked at US West Communications. I permanently lived, when not on contract, in northwest Montana.
"We've heard it used on the CB channels by the logging truck drivers since '91".
Indichronation noun. The particular variety of annoyance you feel when you're certain you set your alarm clock but it didn't go off. Also applies to watch alarms and digital reminders on the computer.
Interantishift To have a staring contest where neither contestant wants to lose. Interantishifting.
ideodeprelate adjective Bearing no resemblance to the object or concept it represents. Usually used when referring to an computer icon. For example, a trash can icon is an ideodeprelate icon when it's used on a Save button.
Jeepers interjection Used to express surprise or annoyance -- like "Jeez!" or "Sheesh!"
Editor's Note: Until this word was submitted to the Nonsensicon (originally as "Jeepers Crow") I was under the mistaken impression that this word was really part of the English language. Oh, yes, I know it came from the song Jeepers Creepers... but there are so many words like that which are now considered officially part of the language that I assumed it was one of them. Imagine my surprise when I looked in the dictionary and found--it wasn't there! Which, as far as I'm concerned, makes it a nonsense word.
Editor's Note: Okay, I take that back. Geof Huth pointed out in an e-mail to me that, while jeepers is not found in the dictionary I use (the American Heritage dictionary), it can be found in WWWebster's Dictionary, and their definition notes that it is "used as a mild oath" and is a euphemism for Jesus.
Jeet "Did you eat yet?" The response is usually "nahdija" (No, did you?) Contributed by Melissa Combs
Jillion (also "Zillion") noun An amazingly large number; smaller than infinity, but larger than everything else.
Editor's Note: Daniel Emmons notes that this is actually a real word, defined in Merriam Webster's dictionary as "an indeterminately large number."
Juff verb To put on busy gestures to disguise the fact that you're eavesdropping. Juffing. Contributed by Donal Lynch <xpun@hotmail.com>
Kazoompa noun The sound you hear when an invisible tribal wizard appears. Contributed by Hakeem El-gadi <xpun@cyber_critter@hotmail.com>
Ketchallicious Delicious, but only when drowned in enough ketchup to completely hide the flavor. As in, "This sardine celery ice cream with rutabaga marmalade and three-month-old rancid bean soup is ketchallicious!"
Contributed by Abraham Feinberg<abrahamf@regionnet.com>
Kershnoogle tr.v. -gled, -gling, -gles. To throw out of gear, mess up, or mangle, especially a mechanical or electrical object or technical task. As in, "I kershnoogled my radio" Contributed by Ben Rockmuller.
La meaning "Friend", Liverpudlian in origin; used mostly by dodgy people.
Editor's Note: This is one of three words contributed by (and I quote) "two bored research students at a university somewhere in Liverpool." I'd like to know more about the history of this word. Please feel free to e-mail me if you know anything about it.
Lewcaropiatism The belief that Lewis Carroll was under the influence of drugs when he wrote "Alice In Wonderland"
Lipostrinacity The ever-failing attempt to suck up every single bit of fluid in a cup with an ordinary straw
Llodge The place where llamas llive.
Makeleniumophobic One who is afraid of the Y2K bug.
Mard interjection Used to express anger, irritation or disappointment.
Contributed by Genevieve Kelly <lkelly@flash.net>
meyawn v. When a cat slips a meow into a big yawn.
Munter An extremely unattractive female.
Editor's Note: This is one of three words contributed by (and I quote) "two bored research students at a university somewhere in Liverpool." They note that "munter" is "Bradfordian (That's in Yorkshire, England) in origin." I can't help feeling I've heard this word somewhere before, but I can't place it. I'd be interested to know more about the history of this word. The closest word I can find in the dictionary (granted, it's the American Heritage dictionary) is "muntin" which is defined as "A strip of wood or metal separating and holding panes of glass in a window." Obviosuly the one has nothing to do with the other :o)
Nark A stupid/dumb person
Nivisecond The amount of time it takes for a blinking cursor to complete one round of blinking.
Nomesayne "Know what I'm saying?"
Occupated The state of being occupied in the bathroom. "I can't do it right now, I'm occupated"
[OCCU(PIED) + (CONSTI)PATED]
Contributed by Josh Jackson <JoshJ@Earthling.net>
Ock adjective Unusual or strange.
Contributed by Chris Hendricks
Pastewich A substance used to make all of the toppings on a large sandwich stick together instead of falling out on the first bite and having to be eaten with a fork.
Penciventilate To blow upon a pencil after having removed it from the sharpener.
Prairie Dogging When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. See also Cube Farm.
Preneezle (preh nee'zul) noun Any device used to forcibly remove a fire hydrant from a sidewalk, usually in large urban centers where on-street parking spaces are scarce.
Putsculp noun. Any object made out of silly putty.
Quiggiligus One of the individual holes in the mesh on most speakers (plural - quiggiligi).
Quirpy Jittery, high-strung.
Contributed by Chris Hendricks
Resplugnant adjective Dazzlingly repulsive; arousing feeling of brilliant disgust.
Rone noun A distracting, unsourced memory. A memory of locking the door is a rone if you're not sure it's not left over from yesterday. Contributed by Donal Lynch <xpun@hotmail.com>
Sanigene That sickly shade of gray-green paint used in some older buildings.
Scrunged verb Seriously creased, esp. of clothes at bottom of pile. "I was going to wear the cashmere tonight, but it was all scrunged up."
Contributed by Wiglaf Noxgaga <brxb@hotmail.com>
Sente When you are writing an exam and you are just in the middle of a sentence when the professor says "Time's Up!", the sentence you were on is called the sente.
Septopus An octopus with a birth defect.
Shmillion noun The highest number or denomination of currency. (If Bill Gates married Oprah Winfrey, they'd be shmillionaires.)
Shwill Can mean either "shall" and "will."
[SH(ALL) + WILL]
Simples noun A condition where an individual giggles uncontrollably for no apparent reason esp. during inconvenient times as in, "About two hours into the meeting I got the simples so bad I had to leave the room."
Slorkiness The feeling you get when you go somewhere (eg the kitchen), potter around for a while then leave without doing what you went in there to do. To feel slorky is to feel slightly silly and probably a bit annoyed.
It also applies to logging onto the Internet and checking out the latest sites, looking at the new postings on Usenet, then logging off and shutting down without checking your email which was what you switched the computer on for in the first place.
Contributed by Andrew Walker <camtarn@hotmail.com>
Snaff noun. The tractor feed strip on the side of computer paper. So named because when torn off, the strip makes the sound "snaff!"
Spamger The resulting anger a person feels after they open their E-mail box, only to find it full of useless SPAM E-mail.
[SPAM + (AN)GER]
Sphagnomat A proximity detector for moss.
Spifferific adjective Ultimately cool.
[SPIFF(Y) + (T)ERIFFIC]
Squadelphious Excellent; first rate. Cool.
Stanky adjective Past-tense of stinky.
Stuff noun
The basic substance of which all matter is composed. Contrary to common belief, matter is not made of atoms and molecules. It is actually made of stuff (see Theory of Quantum Stuff). Stuff comes in many varieties and many levels of quality or "workmanship". In it's raw form, stuff resembles liquids of varying consistencies and colors. The following colors of stuff have been discovered so far:Swanky Oddly and exquisitely spiffy, as in, "My dear, you look mighty swanky."
[SW(ELL) + (SP)ANKY]
Technogibberlists noun Those annoying little men who prowl computer stores and correct us when we pronounce URL as "U-R-L" instead of "Earl." Contributed by Robert McNamara <Costanza2000@yahoo.com> .
Thudgle noun. Any quantity of a food which somehow or other gets on your body, as in "I have a thudgle of ketchup on my sleeve."
Thwithy (thwith-thee) adjective Like one is going to throw up; car/sea/airsick; sick to one's stomach.
"After riding on the S.S.Nathaniel for 3 hours, I was bound to feel thwithy."
Triff Hip, cool, modern, expensive, and very cutting edge. The best of the best. Can be used to connotate a place or a person.
Contributed by Ben Rockmuller
Turfing Browsing the web for Irish sites or sites with Irish content. From "surfing" + "turf". Turf, or peat, has been harvested from the bogs of Ireland for centuries. It is used for fuel and horticultural purposes and is synonomous with rural Ireland.
Contributed by Jim Daly <jdaly@informix.com> .
Uffda Wow!
Editor's Note: Chris Hendricks (one of the Nonsensicon's biggest single contributors) notes that, "I've known about the word uffda for many years now, but it doesn't mean Wow!!! My grandma (who is from Saskatchewan) told me that uffda is the sound you make when you think you found your gum that you dropped in the chicken coop but discover you didn't. For a third time. She even has a little fridge magnet with the word Uffda on it."
Uffy adj. The feeling your head gets just before a bad cold hits; also, how you feel if you take too many antihistimines.
Unobtainium noun The perfect material for the job, but does not exist, or cannot be had.
Vercrigenton The color before red on the rainbow that was dropped since it messed up the acronym ROY G. BIV.
Vipolific (vi-po-li-fick) adjective 99% perfect. As good as you can get because nothing is 100% perfect. Everything has a negative side. See also antidisunvipoliffic
V-stick factor A scale from one to ten that measures the stickiness and strength of the plastic wrapping of video cassette tapes and compact discs.
nVs The Sabram Scale The Rockmuller Scale 1 Very loose. Probably a knocked-off product. You can see the teeth from the Saran Wrap. No attraction or friction whatsoever, static or material. The wrapping is almost impossible to get an adequate grip on for purposes of removal. 2 A bit tighter than 1 but was the first dozen knocked off in the evening's printing. Low material friction. Finger nail, compressed carbon (diamond), or other relatively hard mineral substances are capable of obtaining an adequate grip for tearing purposes. Removed material has no static attraction. 3 May still be either a knock off or if an obscure label, a low production quality. Approaching normal friction and low static charge. Material is relatively easy to remove with any sharpened object, and once removed, material will raise micro-particles and fine hair as long as proximity does not exceed 0.50 - 0.75 centimeters. 4 You start going from opening it up with your fingernail to needing something more pointed like you keys. Normal cellophane friction, low static charge. Material is easy to remove by any conventional meathod; however, after removal, micro-particle interaction extends out to 1.5 centimeters. 5 You can see multicolored sheen of professional quality shrink wrap after a long production run. Normal cellophane friction, moderate static charge. Cellophane will actively stick to moderately charged surfaces, lightly to itself, and moderate particle interaction approaches 3 centimeters. 6 Quality starts to kick in and the "double wrap" is in. There is the cellophane wrapping and that multicolored sticker keeping it closed. Slightly above average in all respects. Material will actively stick to itself when removed, particle interaction averaging 4 - 4.5 centimeters. Noticeable 'peel' effect against organic matter. 7 The sticker has a record company label hologram on it. It is still perforated so you can easily open it. Approaching limits of standard cellophane. Material sticks firmly to organic matter, raises particles from distances exceeding 5 centimeters, and is capable of forming a tight seal when streatched (Example: Kitchen plastic wrap) 8 They don't have the sticker perforated and you need a real knife edge to open it Limit of natural friction and charge. Plastic is extremely difficult to remove from organic matter, adheres and forms tight seals with anything brushed against it, partcle effects 6-7 centimeters. 9 Comes in one of those tall boxes that is also wrapped making it a "triple wrapping". You end up throwing out more material than keeping. Material will actively attach to objects within particle range of up to 5 centimeters and form seal based on static attraction. Seal is tight enough that removal often results in tearing of material. 10 A time capsule item. Get the x-acto knife and watch your fingers. Very thick cellophane is used and it shows signs of pervious attempted entry by other customers. Layer of cellophane becomes one with organic matter, inseperable by any means. Static charge is close to audible as a distinct hum. Material is classified as a dangerous substance at this point, and should be marked for immediate incineration.Wnatcha noun A figurative dance that normally signifies an error or a failure. "Man, I was really doing the Wnatcha last night after I got dumped!"
[WOB(BLE) + (COP)TER]
Xoox noun. The center box in a game of tic-tac-toe.
Yarf interjection Used to express anger, annoyance, disappointment or contempt.
Yewphobic Someone who dislikes the letter U.
Yurp v. Having a burp slip out in the middle of a big yawn.
Zillion See Jillion
Ziqx A word with no meaning designed only for use in Scrabble.
Algebretcetera Any mathematical equation that takes up more than a half of a page to complete.
ambidigidexterious (am-be-dij-e-decks-tear-e-us) adjective The ability to easily manipulate the right mouse button.
Contributed by Mark Hibbs
Amsomnia noun When you can't sleep but don't know it, or when you couldn't sleep but don't remember it.
[AM(NESIA) + (IN)SOMNIA]
Antinostrician noun Someone who, for one reason or another, hates their nose.
Aplasticate verb To smash or squish, as in "Aigh!! A mosquito! Let's APLASTICATE it!"
Awitic noun. Someone who always says "Awwwww!" whenever they see something cute.
Banjaxed verb To be unexpectedly prevented from achieving an objective. Donal Lynch notes, "In this part of the world (Ireland) 'banjaxed' is a well-known familiar word, meaning 'irretrievably broken', as in 'this computer is banjaxed.'"
Banshaling noun A bannana impersonating a telephone, usually used when someone is pretending a bananna is a telephone. As in, "That bannana is a banshaling."
Bittle adjective A little bit.
Contributed by Reiner Hohn <heisse_post@hotmail.com> .
Blegne The residue that collects at the corners of our mouths.
Blamestorming Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Contributed by Mark Smith
Contributed by Christopher Plyem
Contributed by Michael Counas
Blooblehead noun An immature, perverted, and/or annoying person.
Editor's Note: This was sent in by an anonymous contributer, and it turns out it's actually a real word! The contributor notes that he was told the word was used in the 1600's. There's more information about the word at http://www.word-detective.com.
Borrrgishness Being bored and annoyed at the same time, such as finding nothing on TV when you have 141 channels.
British Popcorn Cartel noun A mysterious and ancient organization involved in the popcorn trade. Whether they are actually British or not has not been determined. To quote Ed Roraback, "In those days the seas were boiling hot due to the friction created by the British Popcorn Cartel". Currently, the Carmel Popcorn faction holds the seat of power within the cartel.
Catsbreadth noun A unit of measurement meaning the width of a cat. "Leave the door open one catsbreadth so the cat can get out while I sleep."
Carperpetuation verb The process of vacuuming over a piece of lint a dozen times, picking it up, examining it, and putting it back down for a second chance.
Contributed by Tim
Cerebroredundogram noun A word, phrase, or song which keeps running around in your head. Contributed by Chuck Chriss.
Chronosecistness Not being able to find a proper stopwatch for a race and having to use an ordinary watch with just a second hand.
Cinitesiplosmanium noun Element # 416. Will solve all global warming problems and when taken in pill form, will cause everyone to live in piece and harmony. To be discovered in the year 3671.
Codswallop noun Nonsense, as in "Anna, your head is full of codswallop".
Editor's Note: Like "gobbledegook", this is actually a real word; the American Heritage dictionary defines it as, "nonsense; rubbish". No offense to people who are named Anna :o)
Cube Farm noun An office filled with cubicles. See also Prairie Dogging.
[DECI(BEL) + FUME]
Democollated All blown up, completely broken, irreparable, as in "The breaker was completely democolated."
Diviparenthesism Forgetting to put on an end bracket ")" when you have started a substatement with a "(". (Hey, we've all done it before.
Doesn'tmatter n. A hypothetical form of matter similar to normal matter, except that it's atoms do not exist. The theory of doesn'tmatter was first proposed by A. E. Roraback to explain the preponderance of apatheticism that permeated the air about him. Mr. Roraback was once known to say, "You of course have heard of anti-matter??? We have taken it one step further. We are so insignificant in the scheme of things that we have what is known as doesn'tmatter. . . Instead of . . . destroying any matter we come in contact with, no one notices."
Dr. R. Tuklov II, an expert on non-existent particles, explains, "In ordinary matter, you have atoms, in which you have a nucleus with lots of electrons spinning wildly around it. In doesn'tmatter, the electrons just sort of sit around despondently."
Elecceleration The mistaken notion that by pressing an elevator call button many times will make the elevator arrive faster.
Enerdorm n. The part of the brain that controls the speed of your heartbeat during nightmares.
Esoceicy n. Obsession or preoccupation with the little things.
Eyerworks n. The little lights that you see, apparently on the inside of your eyelids, whenever you squeeze your eyes shut for a prolonged period of time.
Farfig-nugen adjective Acting silly, immature, and stupid.
Filth Diamond noun Don't even ask, lest the curse fall on you too!
Fillickflash (fil-ik-flash) noun The sudden realisation that you have dialed the fax number, not the voice number. It's now too late to do anything about it as the phone company has already charged you for the wasted call. Isn't the fax machine's whistling annoying?
Flabbergasterisk Grammatical symbol expressing extreme emotion, used when an exclamation mark is just not important enough. A Flabbergasterisk may take many designs eg massive bullet points, many pointed stars etc. Equally at home in the margins as on the end of a sentance.
Contributed by Dave Sanderson
Flashbox (fil-ik-flash) noun The little box-shaped light that remains visible for some time after looking directly into the flash bulb on a camera
flazeebo noun. A very rare animal that is a mix of a flamingo, zebra, and a hippo.
Contributed by Jeff Khourie
Contibuted by Phil
Flobbergobber noun 1. A person who talks unremitting senseless rubbish. 2. The rubbish spoken by such a person.
Contributed by Emily <emily_rose66@hotmail.com>.
frisbeeism The belief that when you die, your soul flies upward and gets stuck on the roof.
Frisbeterian noun Someone who religiously spends Sunday afternoons teaching his/her dog to catch Frisbees.
Contributed by Emily <emily_rose66@hotmail.com>.
Glichenlen nount 1. The black stuff left on the road after skidding your car tires. 2. The black stuff inside calculators that make numbers appear on the digital display.
Gobbledegook noun Became a popular saying after Professor Gobble D. Gook the inventor was thrown out of quantum physics school for being the only one in his class to understand how all that quantum physics stuff (see "Stuff") worked. Was ridiculed in his time, but we now know his theories to be true. -- Contributed by Adam and Shaun
Editor's Note: This is actually a real word; the American Heritage dictionary defines it as, "Unclear, wordy jargon. [Imitative of the gobbling of a turkey]". It's amazing words one finds in the dictionary.
Gobsmacked verb Shocked, most suprised, taken aback
Gombligernicampoikananity noun Religion based on the idea that someday a large wheel made entirely of cork will come down from the heavens and devour 1/10 of the world's population. Contributed by Robert McNamara <Costanza2000@yahoo.com> .
Gonna Going to.
Editor's Note: This is one of three words contributed by (and I quote) "two bored research students at a university somewhere in Liverpool." They note that "gonna" is "Bradfordian (That's in Yorkshire, England) in origin." I've heard "gonna" used a lot in the states as well (in fact, I use it myself all the time). I'd be interested to hear if anyone has any more detailed information about its origin.
Gription noun Better than traction, as in "Those tires have gription."
Gry Up To compose yourself after doing something so you can carry on as if that was what you'd intended to do all along. Contributed by Donal Lynch <xpun@hotmail.com>
Helifino Short for helifinocerous, a strange creature somewhat like a rhinocerous but never before seen by man. Often used as a generic reply to the question, "What is that?"
Contribyted by Mark Mills
Hootus noun The name of anything you cannot think of the name of. As in, "That hootus over there is broken."
Humnausea The incessant and actual chanting of a Cerebroredundogram.
hunjj To mess up, low life something; basically to do as someone who spreads destruction in their path by being on autopilot or low life mentality. Someone who is an expert at "hunjjing" something is called a hunjjmaster.
Editor's Note: The contributor of this word notes that it is in usage in much of the Northwest Montana area, especially by loggers.
He also notes: "It is a form of the words gunjj (sp?) & hosed up. I started using it while teaching classes in Oregon & Washington to many students who worked at US West Communications. I permanently lived, when not on contract, in northwest Montana.
"We've heard it used on the CB channels by the logging truck drivers since '91".
Indichronation noun. The particular variety of annoyance you feel when you're certain you set your alarm clock but it didn't go off. Also applies to watch alarms and digital reminders on the computer.
Interantishift To have a staring contest where neither contestant wants to lose. Interantishifting.
ideodeprelate adjective Bearing no resemblance to the object or concept it represents. Usually used when referring to an computer icon. For example, a trash can icon is an ideodeprelate icon when it's used on a Save button.
Jeepers interjection Used to express surprise or annoyance -- like "Jeez!" or "Sheesh!"
Editor's Note: Until this word was submitted to the Nonsensicon (originally as "Jeepers Crow") I was under the mistaken impression that this word was really part of the English language. Oh, yes, I know it came from the song Jeepers Creepers... but there are so many words like that which are now considered officially part of the language that I assumed it was one of them. Imagine my surprise when I looked in the dictionary and found--it wasn't there! Which, as far as I'm concerned, makes it a nonsense word.
Editor's Note: Okay, I take that back. Geof Huth pointed out in an e-mail to me that, while jeepers is not found in the dictionary I use (the American Heritage dictionary), it can be found in WWWebster's Dictionary, and their definition notes that it is "used as a mild oath" and is a euphemism for Jesus.
Jeet "Did you eat yet?" The response is usually "nahdija" (No, did you?) Contributed by Melissa Combs
Jillion (also "Zillion") noun An amazingly large number; smaller than infinity, but larger than everything else.
Editor's Note: Daniel Emmons notes that this is actually a real word, defined in Merriam Webster's dictionary as "an indeterminately large number."
Juff verb To put on busy gestures to disguise the fact that you're eavesdropping. Juffing. Contributed by Donal Lynch <xpun@hotmail.com>
Kazoompa noun The sound you hear when an invisible tribal wizard appears. Contributed by Hakeem El-gadi <xpun@cyber_critter@hotmail.com>
Ketchallicious Delicious, but only when drowned in enough ketchup to completely hide the flavor. As in, "This sardine celery ice cream with rutabaga marmalade and three-month-old rancid bean soup is ketchallicious!"
Contributed by Abraham Feinberg<abrahamf@regionnet.com>
Kershnoogle tr.v. -gled, -gling, -gles. To throw out of gear, mess up, or mangle, especially a mechanical or electrical object or technical task. As in, "I kershnoogled my radio" Contributed by Ben Rockmuller.
La meaning "Friend", Liverpudlian in origin; used mostly by dodgy people.
Editor's Note: This is one of three words contributed by (and I quote) "two bored research students at a university somewhere in Liverpool." I'd like to know more about the history of this word. Please feel free to e-mail me if you know anything about it.
Lewcaropiatism The belief that Lewis Carroll was under the influence of drugs when he wrote "Alice In Wonderland"
Lipostrinacity The ever-failing attempt to suck up every single bit of fluid in a cup with an ordinary straw
Llodge The place where llamas llive.
Makeleniumophobic One who is afraid of the Y2K bug.
Mard interjection Used to express anger, irritation or disappointment.
Contributed by Genevieve Kelly <lkelly@flash.net>
meyawn v. When a cat slips a meow into a big yawn.
Munter An extremely unattractive female.
Editor's Note: This is one of three words contributed by (and I quote) "two bored research students at a university somewhere in Liverpool." They note that "munter" is "Bradfordian (That's in Yorkshire, England) in origin." I can't help feeling I've heard this word somewhere before, but I can't place it. I'd be interested to know more about the history of this word. The closest word I can find in the dictionary (granted, it's the American Heritage dictionary) is "muntin" which is defined as "A strip of wood or metal separating and holding panes of glass in a window." Obviosuly the one has nothing to do with the other :o)
Nark A stupid/dumb person
Nivisecond The amount of time it takes for a blinking cursor to complete one round of blinking.
Nomesayne "Know what I'm saying?"
Occupated The state of being occupied in the bathroom. "I can't do it right now, I'm occupated"
[OCCU(PIED) + (CONSTI)PATED]
Contributed by Josh Jackson <JoshJ@Earthling.net>
Ock adjective Unusual or strange.
Contributed by Chris Hendricks
Pastewich A substance used to make all of the toppings on a large sandwich stick together instead of falling out on the first bite and having to be eaten with a fork.
Penciventilate To blow upon a pencil after having removed it from the sharpener.
Prairie Dogging When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. See also Cube Farm.
Preneezle (preh nee'zul) noun Any device used to forcibly remove a fire hydrant from a sidewalk, usually in large urban centers where on-street parking spaces are scarce.
Putsculp noun. Any object made out of silly putty.
Quiggiligus One of the individual holes in the mesh on most speakers (plural - quiggiligi).
Quirpy Jittery, high-strung.
Contributed by Chris Hendricks
Resplugnant adjective Dazzlingly repulsive; arousing feeling of brilliant disgust.
Rone noun A distracting, unsourced memory. A memory of locking the door is a rone if you're not sure it's not left over from yesterday. Contributed by Donal Lynch <xpun@hotmail.com>
Sanigene That sickly shade of gray-green paint used in some older buildings.
Scrunged verb Seriously creased, esp. of clothes at bottom of pile. "I was going to wear the cashmere tonight, but it was all scrunged up."
Contributed by Wiglaf Noxgaga <brxb@hotmail.com>
Sente When you are writing an exam and you are just in the middle of a sentence when the professor says "Time's Up!", the sentence you were on is called the sente.
Septopus An octopus with a birth defect.
Shmillion noun The highest number or denomination of currency. (If Bill Gates married Oprah Winfrey, they'd be shmillionaires.)
Shwill Can mean either "shall" and "will."
[SH(ALL) + WILL]
Simples noun A condition where an individual giggles uncontrollably for no apparent reason esp. during inconvenient times as in, "About two hours into the meeting I got the simples so bad I had to leave the room."
Slorkiness The feeling you get when you go somewhere (eg the kitchen), potter around for a while then leave without doing what you went in there to do. To feel slorky is to feel slightly silly and probably a bit annoyed.
It also applies to logging onto the Internet and checking out the latest sites, looking at the new postings on Usenet, then logging off and shutting down without checking your email which was what you switched the computer on for in the first place.
Contributed by Andrew Walker <camtarn@hotmail.com>
Snaff noun. The tractor feed strip on the side of computer paper. So named because when torn off, the strip makes the sound "snaff!"
Spamger The resulting anger a person feels after they open their E-mail box, only to find it full of useless SPAM E-mail.
[SPAM + (AN)GER]
Sphagnomat A proximity detector for moss.
Spifferific adjective Ultimately cool.
[SPIFF(Y) + (T)ERIFFIC]
Squadelphious Excellent; first rate. Cool.
Stanky adjective Past-tense of stinky.
Stuff noun
The basic substance of which all matter is composed. Contrary to common belief, matter is not made of atoms and molecules. It is actually made of stuff (see Theory of Quantum Stuff). Stuff comes in many varieties and many levels of quality or "workmanship". In it's raw form, stuff resembles liquids of varying consistencies and colors. The following colors of stuff have been discovered so far:Swanky Oddly and exquisitely spiffy, as in, "My dear, you look mighty swanky."
[SW(ELL) + (SP)ANKY]
Technogibberlists noun Those annoying little men who prowl computer stores and correct us when we pronounce URL as "U-R-L" instead of "Earl." Contributed by Robert McNamara <Costanza2000@yahoo.com> .
Thudgle noun. Any quantity of a food which somehow or other gets on your body, as in "I have a thudgle of ketchup on my sleeve."
Thwithy (thwith-thee) adjective Like one is going to throw up; car/sea/airsick; sick to one's stomach.
"After riding on the S.S.Nathaniel for 3 hours, I was bound to feel thwithy."
Triff Hip, cool, modern, expensive, and very cutting edge. The best of the best. Can be used to connotate a place or a person.
Contributed by Ben Rockmuller
Turfing Browsing the web for Irish sites or sites with Irish content. From "surfing" + "turf". Turf, or peat, has been harvested from the bogs of Ireland for centuries. It is used for fuel and horticultural purposes and is synonomous with rural Ireland.
Contributed by Jim Daly <jdaly@informix.com> .
Uffda Wow!
Editor's Note: Chris Hendricks (one of the Nonsensicon's biggest single contributors) notes that, "I've known about the word uffda for many years now, but it doesn't mean Wow!!! My grandma (who is from Saskatchewan) told me that uffda is the sound you make when you think you found your gum that you dropped in the chicken coop but discover you didn't. For a third time. She even has a little fridge magnet with the word Uffda on it."
Uffy adj. The feeling your head gets just before a bad cold hits; also, how you feel if you take too many antihistimines.
Unobtainium noun The perfect material for the job, but does not exist, or cannot be had.
Vercrigenton The color before red on the rainbow that was dropped since it messed up the acronym ROY G. BIV.
Vipolific (vi-po-li-fick) adjective 99% perfect. As good as you can get because nothing is 100% perfect. Everything has a negative side. See also antidisunvipoliffic
V-stick factor A scale from one to ten that measures the stickiness and strength of the plastic wrapping of video cassette tapes and compact discs.
nVs The Sabram Scale The Rockmuller Scale 1 Very loose. Probably a knocked-off product. You can see the teeth from the Saran Wrap. No attraction or friction whatsoever, static or material. The wrapping is almost impossible to get an adequate grip on for purposes of removal. 2 A bit tighter than 1 but was the first dozen knocked off in the evening's printing. Low material friction. Finger nail, compressed carbon (diamond), or other relatively hard mineral substances are capable of obtaining an adequate grip for tearing purposes. Removed material has no static attraction. 3 May still be either a knock off or if an obscure label, a low production quality. Approaching normal friction and low static charge. Material is relatively easy to remove with any sharpened object, and once removed, material will raise micro-particles and fine hair as long as proximity does not exceed 0.50 - 0.75 centimeters. 4 You start going from opening it up with your fingernail to needing something more pointed like you keys. Normal cellophane friction, low static charge. Material is easy to remove by any conventional meathod; however, after removal, micro-particle interaction extends out to 1.5 centimeters. 5 You can see multicolored sheen of professional quality shrink wrap after a long production run. Normal cellophane friction, moderate static charge. Cellophane will actively stick to moderately charged surfaces, lightly to itself, and moderate particle interaction approaches 3 centimeters. 6 Quality starts to kick in and the "double wrap" is in. There is the cellophane wrapping and that multicolored sticker keeping it closed. Slightly above average in all respects. Material will actively stick to itself when removed, particle interaction averaging 4 - 4.5 centimeters. Noticeable 'peel' effect against organic matter. 7 The sticker has a record company label hologram on it. It is still perforated so you can easily open it. Approaching limits of standard cellophane. Material sticks firmly to organic matter, raises particles from distances exceeding 5 centimeters, and is capable of forming a tight seal when streatched (Example: Kitchen plastic wrap) 8 They don't have the sticker perforated and you need a real knife edge to open it Limit of natural friction and charge. Plastic is extremely difficult to remove from organic matter, adheres and forms tight seals with anything brushed against it, partcle effects 6-7 centimeters. 9 Comes in one of those tall boxes that is also wrapped making it a "triple wrapping". You end up throwing out more material than keeping. Material will actively attach to objects within particle range of up to 5 centimeters and form seal based on static attraction. Seal is tight enough that removal often results in tearing of material. 10 A time capsule item. Get the x-acto knife and watch your fingers. Very thick cellophane is used and it shows signs of pervious attempted entry by other customers. Layer of cellophane becomes one with organic matter, inseperable by any means. Static charge is close to audible as a distinct hum. Material is classified as a dangerous substance at this point, and should be marked for immediate incineration.Wnatcha noun A figurative dance that normally signifies an error or a failure. "Man, I was really doing the Wnatcha last night after I got dumped!"
[WOB(BLE) + (COP)TER]
Xoox noun. The center box in a game of tic-tac-toe.
Yarf interjection Used to express anger, annoyance, disappointment or contempt.
Yewphobic Someone who dislikes the letter U.
Yurp v. Having a burp slip out in the middle of a big yawn.
Zillion See Jillion
Ziqx A word with no meaning designed only for use in Scrabble.
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